Which way to go?

What shall I do now

Now that I have lost direction

Now that I have lost the guiding light

Now that my heart cries and mourns every moment

Where did I go wrong?

At what point when I turned did I forget where I was heading?

What point among the millions of choices I made did I take it wrong

Was it one?

Or was it the subsequent thousands that followed one slightly wrong one?

If, that is such a strange word

Can ifs ever be?

No time machine to take back what is done, so why if?

If we had but known, if we had but tried

If we had but the knowledge and experience to see through open eyes

If we hadnt lost the way

Casting about now and feeling as I am blind

Blind to all in all ways

No sound gives hint, no smell, no familiar taste to the air

There is no gentle touch to guide me

So I wander, remembering only where I had been going at one point

Never knowing if that road ran one way

Never knowing if this place or time or situation even exists still

What is it I search for?

Is it love?

Is it a companion?

Is it fait calling me forward to my destiny?

Is it a destiny I chose?

I cant remember

Is it something from the past I let go?

Is it something in the future calling to me like a siren song?

Is it something I have now and dont appreciate?

Is it something I will never have?

When I look for answers, it breeds only more questions

Why have I grown so cold?

Why did I let this happen?

How and when did it happen?

Did it happen all at once?

Or did day by day I let life slip away like water, thinking there would always be more?

Is this hallow shell of what I used to be capable?

Or will I find it leading in circles on an endless path

I wonder where I can lead myself

Even more, I wonder if I can

For faith as they say, is a fickle thing

It can raise you to new heights

Lack of it can bring you to new lows

What scares me most is the millions of us

Treading this same path and never walking together

Never joining in a common search

We all search together, yet apart

So in the end, we all feel alone and lost

Dave..5-16-00